My Past.

My Past.

I was born May 27, 1992, to the people I'm forced to call parents. Notice how I say I'm forced to call parents. I don't technically consider them my parents now, at 17 and 1/2 years old because well, they don't act it. Some people may say that it's a teenager phase that I'm going through, or some may say I suffer from what's called Middle Child Syndrome but if you actually knew me as a person you would know otherwise.
We were all once one big happy, normal family. We as in my older sister, myself, my younger brother, and my parents of course. But along the timeline of events that have happened, something changed.
I grew up not well off, but I always had the things I needed to survive. I had recieved what I wanted for my birthdays and christmas, well maybe not everything, but the things that were reasonable and were appropriate for the age I was at when I was asking for a certain toy or item, I usually got.
I knew in 3rd grade that my parents were having difficulties. They were always fighting at home, and mom would be all upset when dad worked late or stayed out late for whatever reason. But I was completely blindsighted as to what that could lead to. At the beginning of 4th grade, I distincitively remember my dad calling my younger brother and I over to the computer table by our front door. He asked us if my mom had spoken to us yet, and we had no clue what he ment by that. Thats when my dad told us that he was moving out, and it had nothing to do with us, and he didn't want us to blame ourselves, and we would still see him every other weekend, and if we ever needed to talk to him we could always call him.
After dad moved out, I started seeing my elementary school guidance counclor Mr. B. I talked to him about everything. I'd walk into his office and we'd talk until I felt better, then he would pull out his Yahzee game, and we'd play that until he sent me back to class.
I saw my dad every other weekend like he had told me and my brother we would. We had to sleep in his room and he slept on the couch, and we had our own gamecube for our entertainment, and there were plenty of things to do outside and around the house he lived in because he lived on pretty much a farm. There we ducks, and 2 pigs, and chickens and roosters, and peacocks. There were also 2 dogs that later had puppies and lots of cats. I usually went and played with the animals while my brother played the gamecube.
Soon after I adjusted to dad not living at home, I was getting ready to graduate 5th grade. I was so exicted. My first big accomplishment besides singing in the 4th and 5th grade chorus. And I was even more exicted because my dad had promised to put his differences with my mom aside and be there to see me get my certificate.
The day of my 5th grade graduation, when I was sitting in my seat, I turned around to see my dad, and he wasnt there. My mom, brother, and sister were, but my dad wasnt. And after the ceremony, all my mom would say is "He had to work."
I was crushed.
Then my relationship with my mom turned bad in 6th grade when I came home from my first date with my first boyfriend and had my first real kiss, and saw my mom sitting on the couch with someone who wasnt my father. His name was Vincent. And his kissed my mom goodnight that night, then started buying her expensive wine glasses and bowls and everything else. But my parents werent divorced. They were just seperated. meaning still MARRIED.
My dad moved back in on my birthday in 6th grade. But I knew things were never going to be the same with him and my mom, or even the three of us. And I was right.
They fought over everything. Including who had to go to my chorus concerts, that were so important to me. They fought over who had to pay for something for me, and they still fought at home. And they werent sleeping in the same bed like they once had. My dad slept on the couch and my mom slept in the bed.
It was like that all 3 years of middle school. While they were fighting, I made friends with the wrong bunch, started smoking cigerettes, dated guys way older than me, and lashed out. Not because I thought it was cool, but because I needed some way to vent my anger.
My 8th grade graduation rolled around, and it wasnt even sure if i was going to graduate. But when the final grades were released it was noticed that I had brought my grades up high enough to graduate with the rest of the 8th graders. That took a lot of effort from my end of the stick, and it was hard, but I still did it. And I thought my parents would have been proud of me. Well it came down to the night of graduation and they still fought over who had to go to my graduation. My mom went, while everyone else claimed that they had to go buy presents for me, when all I got were cards. Not that I'm not grateful for the cards, but I would have rather had all of my family, including BOTH of my parents at my 8th grade graduation. And that night was especially hard for me, because back in 6th grade my boyfriend at the time was killed in a motercycle accident, and he was being remembered at our graduation.
I lashed out even more the summer before I entered high school. I started sneaking out at night, drinking, and lying to my parents. Of course somewhere in the middle of all that my friends and I all forgot to cover our own asses, and we all got caught and grounded. And I flipped out on my parents and that night I ran away to my best friends house. It didnt take my parents long to figure out where I was. Where else would a 14 yr old go when she was running away from home. When they found me, they yelled and screamed and hit me. I went to school the next day and told my guidance counclor and she called the cops.
My parents and I were put into councling. Not that it helped any, or maybe it did, but once a week we went to see my youth counclor. I also decided that maybe I needed to have some disipline in my life, and my high school offered NJROTC, so I decided to join. When I told my parents about how I joinned, thinking they would be happy for me, instead they scolded me on joinning things with a long term commitment.
Well I stayed in the program anyways. Not only to prove to my parents that I could handle it, but to prove to myself that I could change the way I was and the road I was driving down. And it turns out that I did change who I was, and I did change the road that I was driving down. And I also enjoyed being in ROTC. It was fun. And our commander and first sargent helped me tremendously.
I was still in choir, so I still had a few performances every year, and each time I hoped that maybe my parents would want to come. But they always fought over who had to go, and eventually stopped going all together. It was the same with ROTC events. We had a drill team just for freshmen and I was on it, and my dad came to one of our meets that was at a different school. I was the HAPPIEST person alive. All because my dad went to one event. And we placed third out of 26 teams, and it was the first time that we had placed that year. And I got to share that with my dad, and when he looked at me that day, he was beaming with pride.
My mom had promised to go to our meet when it was at my home school. well my sophmore year we had one and I was all exicted because my mom was going to go... Well, my older sister was getting married, and my mom was going dress shopping with her... She went to my meet, but only stayed for 10 mins and didnt even see me compete. And that broke my heart, because she was always putting my brother and sister before me. Their stuff came before mine. And it hurt me.
It went on like that for the rest of high school. I'm in the middle of my senior year now, and things are going really great with me school wise. I'm still in ROTC, I'm alto section leader in the level 3 choir, and I have high honors. But my parents still treat me like crap. I have a part time job working at a wendy's resturant, and I'm working on getting my license, my dad was supposed to pay for my drivers ed as a christmas gift for me, but now because my mom is always mad at me because I'm never home, she told him that he cant pay for it until she says its ok. And she brings me to work, and shes now asking me to start paying her gas money. They both go through my room whenever they need something and they just take it, and they make me pay for my own grocries. Along with part of my own cell phone bill, and in may when I turn 18 I have to get my own health insurance because the one I have now wont cover me any longer.

My new post entitled "My Present" will be available soon.